Broken

I have not gone through any advanced treatments yet but I still feel hopeless and hurt. I know that if it's God's will, it will happen. I am struggling to accept that. I know it doesn't matter what fertility treatments I undergo....pregnancy will only happen when it's God's will.

Some days are definitely better than others. Most of the time I am a very happy person. I am always smiling and joking. My co-workers always tell me how boring work is when I'm not there. But there are days when my smile is so fake and my true friends can see right through me. It's hard to hear about other co-workers getting pregnant as soon as they start trying....and talking non-stop about pregnancy symptoms and how far along they are. It truly makes me jealous, and that upsets me because I am not usually a jealous person. I just don't know how to truly feel happy when I feel so broken...